Unconditional Love
In our world today, this one aspect of love is the least understood and the least trusted. How could someone still love me if I break their trust. If I lie to them and cheat? If I look at others with desire? If I abuse them and ignore them and hurt their feelings? How could anyone still love me after all of that?
Unconditional love is rare, I will not deny that, but it does exist. Unconditional love is not something that we earn, however. Unconditional love arrives when the person engaging in it comes to a realization. The person engaging in unconditional love realizes that they love themself. They realize that they are good, they are easy to get along with and that they are beautiful. So they extend their love in a way so that it is always coming, always given freely and always given to everyone.
Unconditional love does not require the person being loved to live in love. It requires the person doing the loving to live in love. When the person doing the loving lives in love, they are confident in themselves and in their capacity to love. So they do not take offense when someone they love makes a mistake. They see it for what it is; a mistake. When we are love, we cannot be hurt by something so small as a mistake. No matter how large that mistake may seem. For all mistakes are in fact lessons. When we are love we grow stronger with every mistake, because we are able to learn through awareness of the cause and effect of our contributions to our loved ones mistakes. We are all connected and it takes two to tango. If our loved one makes a mistake, we are there to help them through it, no matter what it is.
Unconditional love is simply that; love without any conditions. It is true love. There is, in fact, no other kind of love. Desire, and passion and lust are not true forms of love. They imply a dependence on our lover. Unconditional love implies that we are a continuous source of support for our lover. If they need a shoulder to cry on, we provide it. If they need an ear to bitch into, we provide that. If they need some space, we will give them space. If they need something new, we will go looking for it together. If they need to try other lovers, we will allow them to. If they need a hug, we will give them one. When we live in love and are able to love unconditionally, we see that it is not about what we need. What do we need, really? We need more love. When we are love, that is all we really desire. More love. In order for us to increase the love in our life, we must be willing to provide whatever our lover needs. We undersatnd that by giving our love freely we will receive it infinitely. Love is not exclusive. It is very much inclusive. If our lover needs us, we are they. If our lover needs us to wait, we will do that too.
But why? Why allow our lover everything? How does that benefit us in the end? In the end we realize that we do not have just the one lover anymore. In our world today, lovers come into our lives for periods of time. They enter your life in a swirl of emotion and the beginning is always exciting. It is a new love and we want to investigate it. In our world today, when this initial excitement wears off, often times the lover leaves our lives again in another swirl of emotion, this time usually negative. Imagine now if in your life you only had lovers entering it, and never leaving. Imagine if you had a collection of lovers, and added to it throughout time. Once we love unconditionally, we are able to forgive our lover any transgression. They can lie to us, and cheat on us and ask us to disappear forever. But when we love unconditionally we know that emotions are not permanent. But love is. Emotions change through time. Maybe it will take a month for your lover to cool off. Maybe a year. Maybe ten years. But eventually the emotions will fade away and be forgotten. Love does not fade away. When we live in love we know that eventually our lover will forget their negative emotions. Assuming we continuously extend our love, they will eventually return it.
But in the meantime we meet more people and create more love. We are love, so we have no problem finding it. While our lover is off “finding themselves” we are content to do the same. We take on new lovers and start the cycle over again, all the while extending love to our previous lovers regardless of our success. Eventually, through time, we will develop a collection of lovers. Not all of them will return to us. But some will. And the ones that do will most likely be the ones that are now able to live in love and love unconditionally as well. By never giving up on our lovers, we ensure that we never close the door. Maybe our lover will choose never to step back through that door. But maybe they will. And when they do, we will be one lover richer. Because we have not spent the time in betwen pinning for our lover. We have spent it investing in even more love with others. Love is everyone’s. And we know it. When we extend our love to our previous lover, it is not in the attempt to return to something old. It is in the attempt to create something new. If our lover wishes to return to us, they will have to accept that we have found new lovers along the way. But they will come to understand that when we love unconditionally we do not love any one person more than any other. We love all of our loved ones equally.
I have used the word lover, because I speak of love, but I hope you understand what I mean by this word. A lover is someone we share our love with, not our bodies. Sometimes sharing our love means sharing our body, when our lover feels like sharing themselves that way. When we are love, we are confident in our body and willing to share it with anyone who does not abuse it. But when we are love we also know that having a lover does not mean we need to share our bodies with them. We can have many lovers at once and share our bodies with the ones that are comfortable with that, and keep our bodies to ourselves when we are with the lovers that are not comfortable with that. When we love unconditionally, we are happy either way. We are looking for love, not physical contact. That is why we can balance many lovers at once. Because we only share our bodies with the ones who want us to, yet we share our love with all.
In conclusion, if you are loved unconditionally, it is not because of something you did or because the person loving you thinks you are superior to the other lovers in their life. If you are loved unconditionally it is because you are incredibly lucky to have met someone who lives in love.
Beautiful post Tristan. All love is unconditional, because if it comes with ‘conditions’ attached, it isn’t really love, it is something else. Once we connect with the love that we are, it radiates from us like the Sun, shining on everyone, regardless of how they behave towards us.
This is how I can be with a friend who is going through a difficult time, or is angry at something I said or did. My feeling hurt, is about me, not her, and has nothing to do with love. Her anger at whatever I said or did, is not really about me, it is about her emotional reaction to whatever I said or did.
That too, has nothing to do with love. Our friendship isn’t based on conditions: for example on the condition that she always be ‘nice’ to me, even when she is feeling bad, or any other condition.
Love is the basis of true friendship, because when all the other ‘stuff’ settles down, love is always there. It never goes away. Which is how we can love everyone (eventually!) … when we separate our emotional reactions, and theirs, from love. We don’t even have to like someone, to love them. Love is what remains, when the other ‘stuff’ all passes by.
Thank you Tristan for this reminder of who we really are, under all the ‘stuff’!
Thank you Ruth.
Pretty much spot on for what I am going for. When our lovers or friends reject us, it is usually something that is bothering them, and not much to do with us. If we can see that their rejection is an emotional response and not permanent, we will be willing to “turn the other cheek” because we will never have been offended in the first place. We all make mistakes, myself included. I offend my friends when I am upset with other people. Rarely intentionally, though. If my friends stormed off every time I screwed up, I would be very alone…
Very nice blog. Very well explains and it reminds me of how to love unconditionally. Thank you. Keep it up 🙂
I like this post. I’ve lived in Intentional Communities where everyone throws around the words Love and Peace quite a lot, but most only showed malice toward other’s shortcomings and generated a lot of disharmony when there were perceived mistakes. I think a community of Lovers, as you describe, or at least a community predominated by this mentality, is where it’s at!
Welcome to the Alternate Economy… I’m glad you enjoy my philosophy. I am sad to say that unconditional love is very rare. I feel that I may have found it, although that is quite a large statement to make. Does that mean I will never have an outburst directed at one of my lovers ever again? Probably not. I am not claiming to be perfect. But when push comes to shove, I will always be there for my loved ones. No matter what they ask of me, if it does not harm me and I am able, I will do it. The key is forgiveness. First we must forgive ourselves. Then we must forgive our lover.
Reblogged this on Namaste Consulting Inc. and commented:
This is one of those things in life that doesn’t leave you breathless but rather breathes life into you. Simply beautiful!
Thank you so much for sharing this post with such kind words.
Very nice blog. Ruth is very correct, love is not bargaining or expecting something in return.
Heart touching post Tristan. I have heard that, “In love one gives and forgives”. Love keeps on giving as the universe does. Thanks for all you write and all you are!
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The world needed to be inspired by your thoughts. To hope that love can happen…and when it does, all pain, all struggles, all trials will drift away. Yes, love is unconditional , its being there for the persons we care above in all things, without hesitation. Have a great weekend!
I am already having a great weekend, thanks to all the support I have received from people like you!
I agree with much of what you are saying Tristan. I do think though that true unconditional love is love that loves no matter what the “other” does in return. That is why I believe in Yeshua and follow Him. He loved me in spite of what I had done to Him.
I killed Him that day because sin, all sin, put Him on that tree. He took it for me and forgave me. I was the the one to whom He referred when He said “Father forgive them, they know not what they do.”
And yet…He loves me. He accepts me. In all my frailties and foibles. All my failures and pain HE LOVES ME.
That is unconditional. I crucified Him and yet He came knowing I would and died anyway. Since He lives because He rose He can love me forever. One can accept that or not but THAT is love. I have known Him intimately for 30 years now. I have failed Him many many times but He has never failed me. He has never left me
Blessings man and thanks for liking the post I put up on Bradley Manning.
E
I greatly appreciate your sentiment. My question to you is, do you truly believe that Yeshua has a greater capacity for love than you do? Or was he trying to show you how anyone can love as he did?
Well Tristan I hope this is not where we will part ways but yes I absolutely believe that Yeshua has a greater capacity to love than I, or for that matter anyone else has.
I realize that you see Him as some sort of ascended master, if He actually ever existed..I, on the other hand, believe He has always existed and knowing that we humans would choose selfishness over love He chose to become flesh. Since sin, or selfishness if you will, can not exist in the presence of a perfect and pure God the only choice He had was to come and become a blood sacrifice. Why blood? Because blood is what carries our life.
Only life can pay the penalty for selfishness. Since our paying life for ourselves ends our existence He had to pay that price for us.
You have seen it. When someone chooses to be selfish toward another, something in the relationship dies. That is a microcosm of a greater reality about our selfishness. Look, some people might give their life for a great love and others for even a good friend but He died when we hated Him.
I cannot say I would die for someone who hates me though one day I hope to be able to love others that much because ultimately loving myself is, well, selfish. I am not speaking of caring about oneself but I am speaking about caring about others more.
That is Yeshua’s example so far as I can see. He loves others whether they love Him or not.They decide what they will do with that love but it breaks His heart when they choose not to accept it because it cost Him everything and He offers it freely.
I really am not trying to be preachy here, But you speak of lovers and letting them go if they wish or return if they will. That is the story of God. He created us to be lovers, as you say, not physical, but lovers of Him. We chose to walk away and so He came here to get us and to prove His love He took the death we deserved and exchanged it for a life with Him forever.
I live there even now with Him. I can see Him, speak to Him. He comforts and embraces me when I need it. He also loves me enough to tell me when I need to make a shift in my life as well. We are lovers. We are friends, But I never forget that I only love Him because He loved me first. And I have learned to love myself because I see the value that He sees in me.
When those blazing hot eyes of liquid love that see to my very core reflect back His love for me I melt like a blushing bride. He knows how dark my heart can be and yet He,The Almighty King of All Things For All Eternity LOVES ME.
I will not deny you your beliefs if you promise not to deny me mine. I will never claim to be 100% right about my ideas. They are simply that, ideas.
Perhaps Yeshua does have a greater capacity for love than I do. Why then do I feel like I have an infinite capacity to love? What greater capacity is there than an infinite one?
Call it wishful thinking, but I believe that once we truly understand love, we will love infinitely. There is no half way. You either love with the capacity of Yeshua, or you do not really love at all.
I like this – and I agree with most of it. What I appreciate is that, even though you are speaking in grand terms (if you’ll the description), you are consistent in their implications. A lot of times we speak of ‘love’ as a platitude that is very far removed from our lives – e.g. we love in theory, not in practice.
I’m not sure of the human ability to consistently pull this off … e.g. to live in love all the time. One of your comments hits on a key point here – that forgiveness is essential.
I think currently very few people live like this, myself included. However, it is interesting how writing my thoughts down on paper and sharing them with others has helped me to become more aware of my actions. I find that since starting this blog my successes in love have multiplied astronomically. I still get offended. But I am able to cool off so much faster these days. I can turn my selfish feelings of “why are they doing this to me?” into “why are they doing this?” By removing the “to me” we see that our lovers are never really doing anuthing that terrible or even unexpected. We realize that if we were in that same situation and were a little less aware of our actions we would act the same way. And so we forgive them, because we know we could very easily have been the one commiting the offense, and that it may very well be our turn to be offensive next time.
Forgiveness is key. So is talking about these things. Maybe everyone knows them, but how many people talk about them…
We have also found that so many people that hurt us do it because they are hurting themselves. Few people intentionally hurt others, they are just, often I think, responding to a harsh world.
It seems very much like all of us are walking around as these people who are like someone with a broken arm and others accidentally bump that broken place. We respond as though they are to blame for our pain but really it is actually something or someone from our past that is unresolved.
Their bump is just a reminder that sets off an emotional response in us that feels like that thing. We may not even be consciously aware of what “that thing” is. We call it a trigger. It is not the person’s fault but it feels like they are to blame.
This is especially common with those who have experienced childhood abuse and neglect.
You are also on to something when you speak of putting ourselves in the other person’s place. Often we just don’t know what another is going through and we might well act as they do or even worse if we were in their circumstances.These things are so hard but if we are going to learn to love we must work through our stuff and forgive just as you have said.
🙂
Beautiful words. It is true, many are wounded and when we hit a nerve, they lash out. But if we are able to move forward and forgive both ourselves and the offender, we will always live in love.
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I think you’ve tapped into something here. I’m not sure I can explain it, but the response suggests it is something we need – something we instinctively know.
I would propose that nothing that is said on any of the posts on this blog is new. It is all something we share, it is something we know to be true. That is why so many seem to share your response to my words. Not because I have said anything new. But because I have said something very old. Something deep within us.
Ancient Truths indeed.Thank you Tristan.
Oh my gosh… this post echoed ALL my revelations on unconditional love. Lovely post!