I am confronted with a situation in my personal life which requires acceptance of a fact that I very much do not like. I have been asked to forget about someone who I love, told I can never see them again. I have appologized in every way imaginable. I have offered my forgiveness. I have tried to start over, to take things back to a time where we are simply getting to know each other again.
What I have not done is accepted that some things I cannot change.
What is acceptance? What does it mean? How does it help us to move forward? If I am love, as I claim to be, then why can I not find the words to make her see that I have changed. That I expect literally nothing of her, except a second chance.
Except. Sounds a lot like Accept, doesn’t it? If I expect nothing of her, as I claim, then why the except at the end?
Acceptance is difficult because it requires us to come to an understanding. This understanding is multi-layered, however. The first layer of Acceptance is realizing that we have control of only one thing in this entire Universe. Our own actions. There is literally nothing else we can control. We can try to manipulate others to do our bidding. We can become incredibly skilled in this area and lead large groups in one direction or another. But at the end of the day, when push comes to shove, we can never truly control another person. There is always an element of risk when manipulating others, for we can never know exactly what the other will say or do.
The first layer of Acceptance has a tendency to make us feel very small. We realize that we have no control over any of the outside influences in our life. This seems so unfair. No matter how we try to manipulate a situation, no matter what our intention, in the end life plays out as it will and we seem powerless to stop it.
But Acceptance implies more than just an understanding that we control nothing but our own actions. The second layer of Acceptance is realizing that although we have no control over anything outside of ourselves, we have absolute control of everything inside of ourselves. We have control of our thoughts. But only when we exercise it. Like any skill, it must be practiced and perfected. We have control of our emotions. Through time we begin to see that emotions are simply reactions. We have control of our level of awareness. Most importantly, we have control of our actions.
The third layer of Acceptance is realizing that although we cannot control our surroundings, by exercising control of ourselves we are still able to create true change in our lives.
“If you want to awaken all of humanity, then awaken all of yourself. If you want to eliminate the suffering in the world, then eliminate all that is dark and negative in yourself. Truly, the greatest gift you have to give is that of your own self-transformation.” – Lao Tzu
When we refuse to accept the conditions life has placed upon us, then we are not living in awareness. By refusing to accept that I can never see her again, I have continued to contact her every couple of weeks to find out if she has changed her mind. To see if my words will have changed her. But in reality, I am only pushing her further away with every message. Despite my intention, or my words of forgiveness, in my attempt to change her I will only reinforce her fears. Her fear that I am trying to change her. Nobody wants to be told what to do, or how to do it. That is the whole point of the Alternate Economy. When we try to change others they always resist. Not sometimes. Every time. Always. Through all of history. When we try to force ourselves on someone else, they will resist us. Maybe not at first, but in time, it will always happen.
When we live in Awareness and truly understand the layers of Acceptance we begin to see that no matter how hard we try, sometimes we loss Love. If we can accept that the love is gone and will not return, we are able to shift our thought patterns. We are able to be happy for the good memories shared. We are able to treasure the fact that we had Love in our life for the time that it lasted. And we are able to move on to the next opportunity for Love. Acceptance does not mean forgetting. Acceptance means true forgiveness. If I truly forgive my ex-girlfriend, then I will forgive her for never wanting to see me again. I will Accept this fact and move on with my life. I will remember the times we shared fondly and I will stop contacting her. I will stop searching for the right combination of words that will change her. I will understand that I cannot change her. I can only change myself. I can stop feeling remorse for my loss. I can start feeling joy for my memories. I can stop feeling regret for my mistakes. I can start feeling excitement for the new Love I am about to find in my life. I am Love. If I can remember that, I can remember that love is good, love is easy, love is beautiful, love is coming, love is given freely, and love is everyone’s. Through Acceptance I will come to see that Past Love is not something we should long for. It is something we should treasure. How lucky am I to have known her Love? Now it is time to share that Love with others, so they may know it as well.
I am Love. I will Accept that I can never see my ex again. I will move forward in Love and continue to push my message that love is good, love is easy, love is beautiful, love is coming, love is given freely and love is everyone’s. I will give my ex the space she needs. I will instead extend my love to everyone as love is given freely. I will move forward in Love, Accepting that by changing myself, I will create the Love I seek.