Possessions
We feel very strongly that we need to possess certain things in order to be happy. But this idea, that our possessions make us happy relies on one assumption: we are able to possess things.
What, exactly, are we able to possess?
Love is the one thing that we all feel that we need to possess, yet how can Love be possessed? Possession assumes ownership. Yesterday I related a story about my ex-girlfriend. I did not go into much detail except to say that I have been asked by her to forget, and to never contact her again. I am having a difficult time accepting this reality, because I do not feel I did anything to deserve this treatment. But what is really bothering me? I want to have certain things from my ex-girlfriend. I say I forgive her, yet I want her to say she forgives me. I want to possess her forgiveness. I want her to smile again. I want her to accept me. I want her love. But I cannot possess any of these things. Even if I was receiving her forgiveness and her acceptance and her Love, what really would have changed about me?
Why do I feel the need to possess her forgiveness, to possess her acceptance, to possess her Love? It is because a part of me feels empty. It is because I feel that I have made a mistake, although I am not sure what that mistake is. It is because I feel that her rejection of me has somehow lessened me.
But what is really happening here? I have created a need inside of myself and told myself that if I possess one thing, that need will be filled and I will become whole again. But how was that need created? I did not always love my ex-girlfriend. In fact, I only met her about a year and a half ago. So why do I need her approval to be whole?
The Truth is that I do not need her approval. I do not need her forgiveness. I do not need her Love. Love is not something we possess. How can you own someone’s love? How can you control it? Hold on to it? It can’t be done. Love is not a thing that needs to be possessed. Love is created. Love pours forth from us when we are actively engaged in another’s growth. Love comes from a connection to the Truth and blossoms when both parties tend to its fruit.
I cannot possess my ex’s Love. I did not possess it before. That does not mean we did not share Love many times. But that is the thing. Love is not owned. It is shared. When we try to own it, we stiffle the ability to create it. In our attempts to possess Love, we always lose it. Not because our intentions are impure. But because we are working in opposite directions to Love. Love is shared and created, never owned or guarded. When we ask for Love, we will be turned down, every time. Not even because our lover necessarily wishes to deny us. It is because we are asking the impossible. We ask for them to create something and give it to us. Love does not work that way. Love must be actively engaged in by both parties. We cannot ask for love to be given to us. We must actively create Love at all times, with everyone we meet. Only then, with enough practice, will we begin to see the Love returned. Not because we have asked for it. But because we are Love. Eventually, we will meet the right people who will recognize the Love within us, and we will be satisfied.
But being Love and living in awareness implies patience and repeated failures as we perfect ourselves. We cannot give in to wants and possessions. We will never have the things we want to possess anyways. Not because we should not have them or do not deserve them. But because we ask the impossible. We ask to own something that cannot be owned!
At the Alternate Economy I have been trying to push one idea. This idea is that if we can change ourselves and live in Love, we can become Love. We can remember that love is good, love is easy, love is beautiful, love is COMING, love is given freely and love is everyone’s. At the Alternate Economy, we begin to realize that we truly possess nothing. Nor do we need to possess anything. What is it, that we truly need?
We need Love. We need personal space. We need to pursue our passions. We need to feel secure in our access to resources.
What else do we need?
At the Alternate Economy we will begin to see that when we live in Love, money can be used to create whatever we need. And what do we need? We need equality and freedom and an easier access to Love. We do not need possessions. We need Hope. We need a future. We need to look inside of ourselves and make the transformation to Love. We need to stand tall together. We need to do this. Today.
Today I will accept that I cannot possess another’s Love. I can only create it with everyone I meet from this point forward. Today I am Love.
Patriarchy has perverted sex. It shattered the consciousness of the Divine Sensual, separating it into controllable, cold, remote virginity, which led to possession; and crude sexuality, the perversion of sensuality. Sex as just a physical act can be uncaring even violent or brutal; twisted into the conquering and subjugation of another; the denial of the Divinity of another. When the sex act is finished, there remains only emptiness, an awareness of isolation and loneliness to be escaped through departure or sleep. The veneration of perpetual virginity and the disdain for the sexuality of woman is a denial of life and of life enhancing values. They represent the enslavement and the murder of the Goddess. A virgin brings no new life into the world and a prostitute destroys the divine in herself. Sexuality focuses the attention on control and destruction. The foundation of the sexual experience is the self; the foundation of the sensual experience is the other.
An interesting direction, but I agree with everything in this comment. For some, the act of sex is a violation of privacy, a perversion. They cannot hold onto themselves and are instead lost in the act. Sensuality and True Love come from the giving of your body to another in confidence and joy.
Thoughtful and profound. You’ve done a lot of thinking about this, haven’t you?
I have nothing but my thoughts…
Sometimes when we seek validation it is because we want to possess something or someone elses love, admiration, respect etc. I love how you said that “love is not owned, it is shared”. That is exactly what it is. They also say that you can’t love another if you don’t love yourself, so you have to think of yourself before you encountered your girlfriend. Did you feel whole? Sometimes we are whole to begin with and after a breakup we feel that a part of us is taken away leaving us to feel like there is some void that needs to be filled because we’ve invested so much into giving love as you have sharing love.
Though you are in a painful situation right now, just know that you will be fully restored, you will become whole again because now you have to learn to heal by learning to love yourself. This is something people struggle to learn how to do when they are heart-broken. I am one of those people but we have to learn to love ourselves and not lose ourselves from the brokeness that we feel. The void that is left open is something that we can close with our own hands as we do things to love ourselves more and understand that we are still worth loving even if the other party has fallen out of love for us.
I love you last line: “Today I am Love”. That is who you are and always have been. Stay blessed and may your broken-heart be healed from this relationship š
Thank you for your kind support. Today I AM Love.
It’s so true… and I think we’re all guilty of it. The terms we use, MY boyfriend or MY girlfriend. They imply ownership of the person and the love with that person and you share. We forget the power of words and the affect they have on our consciousness. Instead of saying MY boyfriend or girlfriend. We should say this is person I share intimate love with or if it’s a friend a person I share love with.
I’m guilty of this same thing in a different regard with you Tristan. In my thinking of you being my best friend … I developed the mentality that you were mine and any of your other friends taking your time were taking you away from me. I became jealous and possessive of you as if you were my object and in doing so at times pushed you away.
Over our friendship and time we’ve learned a lot together and you continue to inspire me on daily basis as you have done since the beginning of our friendship.
You’re not my best friend … you’re someone with whom I share an enormous amount of Love and for that I am thankful every day.
Thanks for these words Jarrid. I would not be the man today if not for the conversations you and I have had. You are also someone that I have shared an enormous amount of Love with.
When I look at my life I realize that although I do not currently share my Love with one person, I have the love of so many others. I am truly the luckiest man alive, because of the amazing experiences of Love I have shared in my past with people like you and my ex girlfriend and the people following this blog. Now it is time to prepare for the new Love to enter my life and the people I am soon to meet! I must be willing to share, if I am to receive.
Its great that you have done the soul searching and thinking that you have. Great blog and wonderful thoughts. Thanks for sharing them, someone out there might’ve needed to hear them too.
We grow as we share. I have come to realize I have nothing to hide. Nothing to be ashamed of. I am human. I make mistakes. But through awareness and the support of people like you, we will find the answers.
I can relate so much to the feelings toward your ex. I share those feelings for mine… yet I was on the end that caused the pain and breakup. There is no amount of “sorrys” I can say, no pleading and asking for forgiveness. Asking for him back is ignored. And I was the one who “broke” us. I now realize, I possessed no love at all… and that most of the acts of love were one sided.
Thank you for this post. I will take a piece of it away with me and hopefully be on to the healing process. š
You certianly shared love my way on this, I think I very much agree that Love is not owned it is shared. I’m going to try to remember to share more!!
Yes you are love. When you love yourself and realize you are whole with the love you give yourself, all other love that is shared with you is enjoyed, but there is never a need to possess it. You realize it compliments not fixes or fills you. If the one sharing their love should leave, you will be no less whole but you will remember that love and miss their presence. However, you will be ready to share more love because you will realize that as much as you loved having that love and presence you need to give it to.
Beautifully said!
This was very inspiring. It helped me put what I feel, what I need, and what I want into perspective.
Thanks. Sometimes we get lost in our emotions and think we need something that we really don’t. I am guilty of this as well, hence the posting! lol.
http://raintreebranches.wordpress.com/2012/02/16/unconditional-love/
A post semi-inspired by this post of yours. š
Thank you, I will take a look!