Living in Love Award: A Buddhist Path Through Divorce
As part of her prize, I Stop for Suffering has shared this post with us. Please enjoy her third post and don’t forget to check out her blog.
The breakdown of my marriage, and the subsequent time afterwards, was by far the most difficult thing I have ever experienced. It was easily the worst time of my life so far, but it was also the best.
I am enormously grateful for the experience – because it lead to huge personal and spiritual growth.
I’m not the same person that I was beforehand. I have been through hell, but feel like I have come out the other side with a much greater capacity for love and compassion.
I now truly understand suffering. And I am a much better person for it.
Just after my husband left, I was lucky enough to be given a copy of “Storms Can’t Hurt the Sky” by Gabriel Cohen. The book was fantastic, but for me, the main benefit was getting me to really look at the situation. And make a conscious choice as to how I was going to handle it.
It would have been easy to become bitter, and nasty.
That’s not the person I am though, nor the person I wish to become.
I made the conscious decision to approach the situation with as much grace and dignity (and even love and compassion) as possible.
For the benefit of our 5 year old autistic son. As an example to him, also he was really suffering as well, and didn’t need any extra stress to make the situation more difficult than it was.
Also out of respect to my husband, and the relationship we once had.
Those months following were a time of enormous revelations.
I feel enormously grateful for the time spent really analysing myself, and my role in the relationship. I spent many weeks and months thinking through everything – the good and the bad. And I made a heartfelt apology to my husband for the things I had done wrong. It was unfortunate, but it was only through actually splitting up that I was able to see the situation, and my part in it clearly.
It’s now been 12 months (on Valentine’s Day) since my husband left.
Life is starting to return to normal – but it’s a new kind of normal. It’s a future filled with love, and kindness and hope.