Forgiveness
In our world today we hold so much shame in our hearts. I know I do. Or at least I did. Until I learned Forgiveness. But what is forgiveness? Does it mean we are simply supposed to forget the past. To pretend it didn’t happen and move forward never thinking about it again?
Forgiveness starts with yourself. And it arrives from Awareness. It arrives from remembering our past, and honestly confronting the mistakes which bring us regret. It comes from taking ownership of the role you played in your mistake. And it is solidified when we make the decision to never make that mistake again. Forgiveness does not arrive from pretending everything we did was perfectly acceptable. Forgiveness arrives when we accept that what we did was wrong and take measures to ensure our actions are never repeated.
It turns out that Loving ourselves it tightly linked to our ability to Forgive ourselves. I know this because for a long time I did not Love myself. I also did not forgive myself. I had ruined all of my relationships, I had lost money, respect, dignity and pride. Such a fool. And I can never take it back. But I can move forward with forgiveness and Love and make sure I never act like a fool again. I can look at my mistakes and try to figure out what caused me to react in the way I did. I can identify the triggers so that I recognize them in the future. And I can begin to Trust myself again.
The funny thing about forgiving yourself in this manner, is that you start to come to a realization. You start to see that you are not at all perfect. That you have made many mistakes. Some small, but others large. You have hurt people. Sometimes on purpose, sometimes unintentionally. Sometimes we do not even know we have hurt people until years later. But if we can do these things, and still deserve to be forgiven, then surely others deserve forgiveness as well. In fact, before we can ever truly forgive others and honestly carry no grudges, we must first come to this crucial realization. The realization that if we deserve forgiveness despite our transgressions, so do others as well.
If we do not first learn to forgive ourselves, our forgiveness of others will never be truly sincere. It will always feel tainted, forced or somehow like we have compromised and lost. We must be able to accept that all people are human. All people make mistakes. But that does not mean they intended to hurt you. And even if they did it does not mean they still wish to hurt you. And even if they do, it does not mean they know what they are doing. Forgiveness must start with ourselves. It must come from the realization that we have screwed up, over and over again, yet we know we are still good people, deep down in our hearts. We can live in shame and regret and denial. Or we can look at our past with honesty and compassion and begin the long process of forgiving ourselves.
And in the end, once you master forgiving yourself, you start to see a new pattern appear. Most, not all, but most of the suffering in your life has come from not forgiving others when they make a mistake. From taking offense to silly comments. From rewinding a nasty scenario over and over in your head. From resentments and regrets and grudges. Most of the suffering in our lives comes from our inability to forgive. If we just forgave people, we would soon start to see that nothing they can do can ever harm us. Because we know who we are. We know how we got here. And we know we deserve to be Loved. So how could any other person’s actions change that?
I have made mistakes. I have hurt many people in the past. But in the end, it was never my intention to hurt them. I was usually just being selfish, or blind, or impatient. I forgive myself because I know that I am done with those days of Selfishness. I am done being blind. I am ready to live in Love.
And I forgive you. Please know I forgive you. It doesn’t matter what you did. It doesn’t matter why you did it. I still Love you. As long as you still Love me, then I will always forgive you.
I really liked this post! And it spoke to me and I have a snippet of my novel with the same theme called “I just want to be close to you” on my blog! Of course it is a totally different realm but forgiveness is forgiveness and that’s what I tried to bring to light. AWESOME POST!!! Thanks, Emily
Thank you. I am just re-reading it, and I like it too… lol.
Did you happen to crawl in my head and read my mind? Life has been very different for me since I learned to forgive myself AND others. Thank you for reaching out becasue in the end very few things matter; and others do!
I’ll try to stay out of your head next time… lol.
That may be impossible! When you’re in sync, you’re in sync!
i APPRECIATE YOUR OPENNESS HONESTY N KIND FORGING NATURE. GOD BLESS YOU
This is a very thoughtful post. Forgiveness can be hard,ESPECIALLY of one’s self. Ultimately,when we forgive though,it benefits the one forgiving much more than the one forgiven IMHO,why carry around all of those negative emotions when the person you’re ill towards probably doesn’t even know they’ve offended you to begin with?
Yeah,very good read here,my friend 🙂
The DC
Great post, but I have to admit forgiveness is something that doesn’t come easily to me. As someone who grew up shy and withdrawn and was therefore the target of bullying, even into my adulthood, I find it very difficult to forgive people who’ve disrespected and mistreated me. Even if they ask for it – which is not often – I have a tough time bringing myself to say, ‘Okay, you’re forgiven.’ I certainly don’t forget! I’ve learned to let go however and move forward. Holding a grudge is like letting someone live in your mind rent-free.
Yes, I used to find it impossible to forgive myself. I would kick myself around the block when I made a mistake, like I had commited a heinous crime. Then I would turn around and let people off the hook when they were cruel to me. Now I realize that neither of those reactions worked because all I did was reinforce the victim in me. One of my friends called it “playing Vinnie the Victim”. That’s what happens when one doesn’t have self esteem, everything becomes ass backward. I am so much healthier now; I play neither victim nor abuser and I have perspective on when I need to forgive myself and when I need to forgive others. Forgiving myself had to come first so I could sort the rest of my relationships out. Still working on “the wisdom to know the difference” and probably will for years to come.
I learned this lesson from someone very important… you.. I love you mom.
I love you too!
Thank you for bringing us back to reality. We need to remember to forgive ourselves, otherwise we are bound to commit the same mistakes over again. I needed this timely reminder and I thank you for your post. Cheers and all the best, ns.
Pingback: Having a Spirit of forgiveness « Vine and Branch World Ministries
Wow, this really spoke to me. And at a time that I was really wondering about forgiveness. Some personal things happened a while ago and I really screwed things up with this guy. But after reading this, I’m becoming more aware of what I did and we’re working on things now. Thank you so much for this post! You have really helped me!
I am glad to hear my words have helped!
Reblogged this on Hwaairfan's Blog and commented:
This puts a smile on my face… It is interesting to see how Islamic principles blossoms in different shades, faiths, and lifestyles!
Pingback: MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME THE LESSON OF FORGIVENESS « Vine and Branch World Ministries
Pingback: Forgive self….forgive others « New Life Programs
Pingback: Whatever Comes My Way « The Blog of Eric Schleien
Pingback: If you have learned from the mistakes and wrongs that you have committed « One Lifetime
Pingback: Tidbits for the Soul
Pingback: Forgiving – Why Should You Forgive?